Deepavali 2010

Deepavali this time was the second time I was not at home with parents. I felt really sorry for Sunitha more than me because this was her first time away from home and her parents. That's the way life is!

I took 2 days day off so that she need not have to feel alone on the festival ooccasion. We decided suddenly to call Mukesh and family and Ashok and family for dinner on thursday.

I try to decorate the house with the lights I had. We bought some fire works as well. Both of us are found of fireworks I have a long history with fire works. When I was a kid, I loved the fireworks but my dad was not well to do to get me some fire works. The cap(a small cracker which make a bit of sound when kept on a solid surface and hit with some solid material) was my luxurious firework!!!. I use to cry for big fireworks but my parents use to tell me that when I grow up I will have whatever I want to have. Once I remember my dad forgot to bring some fireworks (he use to bring worth of 5rupees those days) I feel now that he might not had the money, but he told me he forgotten. I cry ed that night next day morning my mother gave me 30 pisa and asked me to bring some cap for myself. I was so happy and ran around all the shops near my place for caps, unfortunately by that time they all finished sales. I could not find one. I came home with full of tears in eye. My mom consoled me 'don't worry when you grow up and go to job you can have firework as much as you want, now stop crying'. I use to sit in a corner and watch all the other people firing fireworks but I never wanted to borrow from others. My parents live up to their promise, since I started working they never objected me for spending on the fireworks. When I was in Bangalore I use to have a firework savings for the year!!!

I remember I use to save money for fireworks and sarry for mother and sister every year for deepavali.

Sunitha decided we should have some thing special for dinner so I cooked Halbai(a sweet from my place cooked with rice flour and coconut milk), Pathrode(another special from udupi and managalore), bread masala as starter, and some side. Sunitha cooked rice Pulav and some plain rice.

Once all came, we had fireworks in the garden kids enjoyed. After the fireworks we had dinner. We missed Yogesh and family, I am sure he wont. When you are in India any festival it will be so lively that you cant miss anybody!!!! I still remember every month there will be some festival and people are busy in preparing for the festival! One festival finishes getting ready for the next no time to think about anything. In this country only Christmas, that too only shopping shopping and shopping!!!!

I feel this country is dead after the new year celebration, Jan to November nothing. Looks like people get up only in November !!! All other time job that's it

Friday we had dinner at Ashok's house we had more firework and food. Samhita(Ashok's second daughter) danced it was nice. She is so good, remembered some dance after seeing it once! I am sure she will be something when she grownup.

Saturday deepavali at Mukesh's place he bought lots of fireworks!

We had lots of fun for this deepavali but always the days at home came to mind all the time, missed parents all the time. These festivals are such a big bridge in building relationships. they create such a impression in once life to keep them tied with the family. that's what missing in this society I believe. thats why this society is prone to all these problems. With all the differences the family come together for festivals and the hearts bonds on these occasions.

I remember each and every occasions of festivals of my childhood.

Could it be the laddu eating which was prepared as offerings to lord ganesh and I eat before offering, with out knowledge of my mother, she never realised till recent years!

Or fighting with mother to talk to dad to prepare PETLA ( a kind of sound maker prepared by bamboo for Ganesha Chathurthy, birthday of lord ganesha), Every year fight with mother to go for the Vittala Pindi(day after Krishna Janmastami, Lord Krishnas birthday) in Udupi. My mother was always scared they I may be lost in the big gathering on this occasion and she never encouraged me as a kid to go for the Vittala Pindi. There will be lots of similar incidents to list.

ನಗು

ನನ್ನವಳು ನಕ್ಕಾಗ ನಾ ನಗಬೇಕು

ನನ್ನವಳು ಅತ್ತಾಗ ನಾನಳಬೇಕು

ಇಲ್ಲಾಂದ್ರೆ ಹಸಿಹೊಟ್ಟೆ ನಾ ಮಲಗಬೇಕು !!!!!!

ಪೊಲಿಟಿಕ್ಸ್ ?

Recently I watched a interview of Tony Blair with Andrew Marr. It was an amazing interview I was just stunned with the professionalism shown by the politicians in this country. Because Mr. Blair said ‘I don’t want to pose any problems to David Cameron because he is the Prime Minister and I know the pain of that job’ I was just thinking this for a long time that the politics is played on this country based on issue and real issue no the personal issues like India. In UK politics always played purely based on the issues. Never ever I had seen any politician blaming another politician based on the personal issues. By heart and brain I never would like to compare Deve Gowda with these politicians but looking at these politicians his face come in front of my face and I feel shame of him. Here a politician become a prime minister at the age of 40 and they go to the back bench as soon as they reach 50 years. Labour party is the one I had seen lots of changes, Tony Blair left the post as he promised to Brown and since he left the 10 downing street I never hared of him talking about the politics or back stabbing or involving him self in any thing to do with politics, I never hared anything since Gorden Brown left the office not even in the labour party conference!!!!

It was on the right time that the problems in the politics of Karnataka which is I was watching closely for a long time. I was happy since BJP came to power because it was the right thing to happen for BJP after the back stab from the JDS. But the things were not good since the day one. Since the day the election results came out BJP party in Karnataka did only one work that is to keep itself in power. They did all kinds of trading to buy the MLA’s other than that they couldn’t do anything and the people of Karnataka are equal responsible for that. We had seen the Congress government good and bad governing of that, JDS government and lived the bad governing and back stabbing of JDS, but still we didn’t gave a majority to BJP to hear their part of the story. Since they day BJP formed the government JDS started playing politics than acting as a responsible opposition. Fun is people don’t understand by playing like this JDS is rejecting their opinion that, JDS need to spend the next 5years of time as a responsible opposition. That is the difference between the western politics and India.

My Garden

It is so nice to see the flowers in the garden it is like a parent looking at a growing child. All the efforts worth it to see the garden full of flowers These were the white lily's I planted last summer.

These lily’s followed me from upton park house. I did had lots of White dallies at upton park, I thought I brought them here in the pot but I am missing them now

 

 

 

Sunitha took some of these pictures with lots of interest. Now I feel like I should have taken the picture of my garden, when I came to this house. It was just like a wild forest. I had dogged whole of this garden once!!!

 

 

 

 

     

I love to watch the rain droops collected on the petals early morning which reminds me again the mist droops early morning at kuthpady!!!

 

  

 

 

 

 

I am proud to show off this picture here because I did this myself. I bought the tiles and chips from Wickes and did this!!!! 

Sad feelings

Last couple of weeks were hectic at work because of the shortage of staff and the busy schedule. I am getting tired by the end of the week now may be the age factor?!!!!! I still remember Dr.Sharma use to be happy for the weekends and I use to be sad for the weekends because I never had anything to do over the weekends, so I rather happy to work over the weekends. I use to tell him I don’t like weekends he use to tell me once you cross 30 then you appreciate the weekend it is true now!!!!

I had this sad feelings since Thursday when one of our old patient came for some palliative radiotherapy for the 3rd time, He told me that his wife is in another hospital dying of cancer so he got special permission from his doctor and went to see her and nobody to take care of her. It shook me a I didn’t know what to say.

I remembered my early days in radiotherapy at KMC as student, we use to have lots of small kids for Radiotherapy I use to cry in the toilet or on the way back home because that time Putta and Ammi were small kids. Later on it became a routine. I got use to it so much cancer is like a fever for me now.

I know some patients are real fighters I remember another old man who had treatment for head to toe for 14 areas started of primary of prostate and remaining all metastasis, he appeared recently for the 15th time he recognised me straight away and smiled at me it was like cancer itself standing in front of me and challenging me “look at me I am back can you win over me?!!!!” He told me when I was walking for the treatment “Doctors says I don’t see this Christmas but I challenged him I will” and just laughed at me.

We don’t realise what we have till we loose it.

A young lady had her breast cancer treated a month back and said bye to us and told us “I don’t want to see you guys again suddenly appears for the metastatic treatment and doctor giving her a time line of maximum 3months!!

As another young patients who calls him self a lamb man because he is in lamb business says “you never know what is waiting for you in the corner” because he was a healthy man till June suddenly he developed some weakness he went to see his GP and got diagnosed with Leukaemia and nobody to look after his lambs!!!  

The story goes on but still the man fight for power, happiness, never ending list of wants!!!!!

Rain in London

It is raining today in London. I love the rain I was sitting in the conservatory and watching the rain drops it is the happiest moments of my life in Kuthpady. I miss those days of childhood I use to drench in the heavy rain. In the night could hear the sound of rain drops falling with thunder and lightning as a kid we use to get freighted grandmother use to give us a mantra to recite which would send the thunder and lightning away and we believed it and those mantra was rooted so strongly a couple of years ago when I had been to kuthpady in a rainy session the same mantras started coming in the mind!

I think I loved this rain in London because it is not like the one comes in winter. We had hot days for a while without any rain and here comes the rain with the temperature like India in 20’s. Sunitha has gone to play badminton at her club so I was sitting alone at home and thinking the sweet memories!!   

It use to be so wonderful days I miss them a lot the jackfruit, mango, sweet potato pappadam and all the edibles.

I love the trees and plants drenched in the rain and love to see the water dropping from them and the sound of the water drops on the roof 

working for NHS

Working for NHS is sometimes is a joke. I feel some times this people are gone mad. Every time I see a USB stick attached to a key ring which can be easily taken off the ring is attached to a thick chain (thicker than the chain I sue for dogs back home!!!!) which intern screwed in to a thin screw inside a drawer !! IS the height of stupidity of the law of confidentially in this country!!! The USB stick is encrypted, it is in a room which has got a access code protected door which is locked all the time!!!!!
Another funny thing is the photo ID camera, according to the rule we are not supposed to store any photographs of the patients in the camera we have to attach it to the computer file of the patient after that we must lock away the empty camera in the fire safe!!!
I feel so stupid of myself to fallow some of these rules I would not have done this in India at any cost. I would have fought with everybody about it but not in this country I am helpless just do what is been told to me!!.
Lots of things we do just to save our skin may be because the system is been developed in this country like that I feel so miserable some times, because I need to convince the patient to take the treatment, it is his life and his suffering but I need to convince him or her to take the treatment and I need to try to fulfil their demands (it is not a request). I feel some many times what I am doing here when a patient put a condition to me that if you are not treating me at 5pm I am not coming for the treatment!!
I worked in a private hospital back in india but we never had any problems. We didn’t had these stupid laws
Everything need to go according to the protocols. I feel I lost my creativity or innovative ideas I too became a protocol prototype!!!

England Vs Algeria 2nd World cup Match

What a hopeless performance from England in the second world cup performance it was. I feel like it was just the hype created by British media because of which the expectation of the people is so high that its is hard to accept the lose of English to a team like Algeria. Its not that Algeria is a useless team but compare to the British at this point of time anybody can say that English team is the better one. We cant say its bad luck for English if so when is this bad luck finishes? After the world cup?!!!!!.

Roony the biggest expectation of the country and the hero of Pundith’s was missing in action for the last 2 games for England!!!. Every time ball goes to him it was easy for the opposite team to get the ball back !!!. In the match against Algeria if not Gareth Barry, Games David, Jamies Carragher in action England would have lost 4-1!!.

It was sad to see drawing with USA not as a rivalry or don’t like USA but its just as again the experience of the English side and the big names (now just left as names!!!) USA was easy win. Pundiths hyped the game and expected to be 4-0. I would be happy for a win at the end that’s all matters me. Robert Green became a villain over night, but I felt it was wrong to bump the weakness of the stickers on a poor guy like him except Gerrard all the players including Roony were in a deep sleep stage. I felt they haven’t got a hang of the world cup.

Second match it looked like England playing with only 4 or 5 people! Algerian players steeling the ball from the English players like they are not there at all!! They were frustrated English players from the beginning. It was so sad to see the ball was stolen under the nose of the giant players of club football like Roony, Gerrard, Cole, Terry, Lampard!!!

What is next? English team need to sit together and see the game videos of the 2 matches repeatedly and see where they went wrong before facing Slovenia. Otherwise England may slip off to the 3rd place easily! They need to learn the lesson to go some distance in the world cup finals to save the face.

Kids

Y Kumar gone back to India permanently he is a friend of me since we were 8th standard. Very good man with short temper!!! He is been always by my side encouraging me to do what I want to do. A man should love the family at the same time he is the direction for the family. I have seen lots of family with man in back seat, (with all due respect to ladies) for the success of the family always man should be in the front. I had seen in our family my father always had last say but he always asked my mother for the suggestions. We as kids never had options to talk about their decisions. Even today I am not totally confident to talk in front of father still that fear not because he beat me it’s only a look!!!!!!
As a kid I always felt that my parents were wrong but now? We had our own discipline at home. I still remember all of us should be ready for dinner when dad says its time for dinner. Since he was working, dinner was the only time we had together. We had our own designated place as well with our own designated plates. No confusion, no excuse. If we couldn’t attend this gathering no food!!!!!!
We didn’t had door to the house! I remember one night when I was 8 or 9 years old I said I am frightened, Amma made me to stand in the dark for half an hour and appa asked me what is fear? I never had a dare to say fear again!!
Whatever our parents did its for our good future only.
Kids are like clay, mould it give a shape and dry them they take beautiful shape! If you don’t know how to shape them or if we act like we don’t know then we will have to repent one day. Everybody like their kids and family but when it needs we need to be bit strong, better to be bit strong than the things go beyond control and had to take a harsh decision!!!!

Early Days

I feel sad to look at the kids nowadays because as a kid the enjoyment I had is not possible for kids today. Lots of work at home with that lots of game too. All the paddy work me and father use to do those days but still had enough stamina to play afterwards. Always had the enthusiasm to play and learn new tricks.
Most enjoyed time in my life was the rainy session, which still I love at Udupi. Those days I had a raincoat which always torn in different places and more water would come inside than it kept me dry. We had so many places water use to stay on the road which use to rise till our hip. I loved that thunder and lightning in a dark night with roaring of the sea from the distance.
In summer holidays playing whole day morning till evening cricket then volleyball after that in indoor card!!!!
Now the big playground near our house is no more there. The big gang of boys disappeared and all the kids depend on the indoor games for entertainment. I feel pathetic for the kids of this country they cannot have exposure of the nature because all the time it is cooled winter even other wise I hardly seen kids in a colony getting together and playing. May be this is the way of a civilised country.

Why Blog

Mind full of thoughts like waves in sea. Early days of life wrote a lots of stories and poems and almost every day I wrote a poem. Those days that was the way I expressed myself since I left home in 1995 my writing ability started diminishing still initial days of my life in Bangalore I wrote a bit may be because my friends in Bangalore encouraged. Slowly I stopped writing but somewhere in the corner of the mind, I was thriving to write but could not. maybe I was finding the excuses all the time, stupid mind is lezzy! Since I came to London my desire to write started increasing mean time I saw lots in life it hammered me a lot what I saw where not true what I thought right were utterly wrong!!!
All fun yesterdays pains are today just experiance!!!!!!!
Life just goes on I can sit and cry for the past or adopt it and enjoy!!!!!!!!